A daughter's open letter to her porn-addicted father

Addictions of any sort can tear families apart and ruin lives. An addiction to pornography is no different, as this heart-wrenching letter one daughter wrote to her porn-watching father reminds us:

I found your porn on the computer somewhere around the age of 12 or so, just when I was starting to become a young woman. First of all, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your mind with this junk on a regular basis. Your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing.

Because of pornography, I was aware that mom was not the only woman you were looking at. I became acutely aware of your wandering eye when we were out and about. This taught me that all men have a wandering eye and can’t be trusted. I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way.

Read the full letter here.

Anti-family planning propaganda, courtesy of Disney

"All of us have a responsibility toward the family of man...including you."

Five years ago today, we met our daughter for the first time

(This was originally posted on July 30, 2009.)



To say that Monday, July 13, was a whirlwind day would be the understatement of a lifetime. Dawn and I woke up in Beijing at 4:00am, finished packing, and ambled down to the lobby at 5:15. This was the day we had been waiting for.

After a two-hour flight we landed in Chongqing. Hot. Muggy. Barely a breeze. But a really cool city!

We arrived at our hotel with plenty of time to spare.



To pass the time we began to unpack, get all the baby's clothes and toys ready, and anything else to keep our minds off the wait. Sure, we waited three years, but that doesn't mean the last three hours are any easier.

Before long, we were off to the Civil Affairs office. The best way to describe what we were feeling is...not being exactly sure what it was we were feeling.



That non-feeling feeling grew into nervous anticipation as we sat in the waiting room with the other parents.



Then, before we knew it, our name was called.



It's amazing how far along Olivia has come since that day. We praise and thank God for his tremendous blessing, and look forward to the day when all of our kids are under one roof.

Our Community Is Hosting a "Conversation" on Race

It seems the city in which I live has a human rights commission. Who knew? On May 22, they're holding a "conversation" on the topic "White People Facing Race: Uncovering the Myths That Keep Racism in Place." According to the city's web site, "This will be a safe place for participants of all races to explore their personal and societal views on race and gain an understanding of where those views come from."

This is such a vital and important conversation that space is limited to 25 people. And the discussion was developed by someone with a Ph.D. who has written a lot about "white privilege," so I'm sure it will be entirely objective and unbiased. Those who take part "will learn about the myths that entrench racism in our society. These myths include Meritocracy; Manifest Destiny; White Racelessness; Monoculture; and White Moral Elevation." I'm not sure what there is to talk about when they seem to have already zeroed in on the problem, but, hey, it can't hurt to sit around and chat for an hour or so.

I'm half-tempted to show up with my entire family...

That ought to break the ice and get the conversation rolling.

On the issue of race, I would start at the very beginning, when human beings were created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Regardless of color or ethnicity, we are all part of the same creation.

From there, I would point out the real problem: "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). Racism is selfishness. Racism is pride. Racism is sin, pure and simple.

Once we recognize what's wrong, we can understand the remedy: "For God so love the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16). The solution to racial problems can only be found in the person and work of Jesus Christ: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).

One creation. One problem. One solution. And no Ph.D. required.

Check Out My Wife's CD

I've posted about this before, but I don't think I can promote it too much. My wife continues to make me proud.


It's available through CD Baby. (And yes, that's yours truly on track 9.)

Merry Christmas!

"But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons."
- Galatians 4:4-5

The Reasons for My Lack of Blog Posts

I have three very good reasons for not posting more frequently. Here they are, in no particular order:



Going from zero to three children in six months doesn't leave one with much free time. I hope to post more about that here in the near future, but you can catch some of the details on our family blog under the tags "China adoption" and "Haiti adoption."

Merry Christmas!

The Day We Met Our Daughter

To say that Monday, July 13, was a whirlwind day would be the understatement of a lifetime. Dawn and I woke up in Beijing at 4:00am, finished packing, and ambled down to the lobby at 5:15. This was the day we had been waiting for.

After a two-hour flight we landed in Chongqing. Hot. Muggy. Barely a breeze. But a really cool city!

We arrived at our hotel with plenty of time to spare.



To pass the time we began to unpack, get all the baby's clothes and toys ready, and anything else to keep our minds off the wait. Sure, we waited three years, but that doesn't mean the last three hours are any easier.

Before long, we were off to the Civil Affairs office. The best way to describe what we were feeling is...not being exactly sure what it was we were feeling.



That non-feeling feeling grew into nervous anticipation as we sat in the waiting room with the other parents.



Then, before we knew it, our name was called.



It's amazing how far along Olivia has come since that day. We praise and thank God for his tremendous blessing, and look forward to the day when all of our kids are under one roof.



You can see more pictures at our family blog.

Where I'll Be for the Next Two Weeks

One of the reasons blog updates have been rather infrequent lately is that I've been busy getting ready to leave the country. My wife, Dawn, and I are finally going to China to meet our daughter! We've been waiting for this day for over three years now, so you I'm sure you can imagine our excitement.

We would appreciate your prayers as we embark on this adventure. Dawn had sent this list of requests out to our friends and family. If you would, please pray...:

1. That we will have safe flights. We have seven flights over the next two weeks.
   
   
2. That we will stay healthy.
   
   
3. That we will not be quarantined. The U.S. State Dept. has a travel advisory regarding the quarantines, which last up to 7 days, with reports of some poor conditions (not enough water to drink, lack of good water and food, etc). Upon arrival in Beijing, you stay seated on the plane while people enter in hazmat suits and take the temperatures of all the passengers. If we or anyone within three rows of us have fevers or exhibit H1N1 symptoms, we will be quarantined. This would be difficult to accept as we would miss the Beijing tour (The Great Wall, The Forbidden City, and more), but it would also delay our "Gotcha Day" when we meet and receive Olivia. This would also add expense. We have also learned that some hotels are checking the temperatures of guests. There have been adoptive families quarantined on their trips, although overall, quarantine percentages are low in comparison to amount of travelers.
   
   
4. That we and the other families will have fast and healthy bonding with their babies/kids. We witnessed that this can happen with our kids in Haiti and with fellow travelers. We believe it can happen here, too!
   
   
5. That Olivia and the other kids with have smooth transitions and don't get sick. It is stressful for the kids as they have to adjust to so much -- new caregivers, different schedules, food, surroundings, etc. Aside from the day she was born, Olivia has never been outside the orphanage.
   
   
6. That we will bless others around us and be an example for Christ. We have to show our passport to attend an International Church service, which reminds us of the blessings we have in this country.
   
   
7. Please pray for our older two, Patricia and Philippe, in Haiti. There are families visiting in June and July and we know it must be hard for them as they watch to see if we will get out of the van. Patricia kept asking if we were coming back in June and was so sad when we said no. They know about Olivia, but will see her picture for the first time on July 15th or 16th, when another Haiti mom will visit and share pictures with them.

Above all, we want to bring glory to our Heavenly Father, who adopted us into his family.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Where I've Been This Past Week

My wife and I just returned from a week-long trip to Haiti where we met our children, Patricia and Philippe, for the very first time. Sadly, we weren't able to bring them home, and thanks to bureaucratic red tape we won't be able to until next year at the earliest.

There is so much to tell that I can't even begin to touch on it here, but I can say that it was the trip of a lifetime. I had never experienced such a wide spectrum of emotion in such a short period of time. There was the deep sadness over the condition of Haiti and its people. There was the humility and conviction over just how much I complain about minor inconveniences. There was the overwhelming joy upon first meeting our kids, and the extreme heartache when we had to kiss them goodbye. Overall, it was a wonderful experience, one I will never forget.

If you're friends with me on Facebook, you can view some pictures from our trip. I may try posting them on Picasa if I get around to it.

Pastoring Adoptive Parents and Those Considering Adoption

Jason Kovacs, Director of Ministry Development for The ABBA Fund, discusses 10 ways a pastor can help parents who have adopted and those who are considering adoption:

1. Develop your own heart for the fatherless.
   
2. Do a biblical study on God's perspective on orphans.
   
3. Educate yourself on basic facts about adoption and orphan care.
   
4. Ask questions.
   
5. Remind them that they desire a good and God-magnifying thing.
   
6. Keep on encouraging them.
   
7. Provide financial counsel and help.
   
8. Cry with them and celebrate with them.
   
9. Celebrate adoptions publicly in services.
   
10. Don't feel like you have to have all the answers.

Read the details here.

As someone in the process of adopting a little girl from China and a brother and sister from Haiti, I am thankful to belong to a church that places a heavy emphasis on adoption, especially when I consider the parallels between earthly adoption and our own adoption through Christ.

Merry Christmas!

From a family in the making.



thesheltonfamily.blogspot.com

Biblical Teaching or Child Abuse?

Check out this post from Jean in Lancashire, England, in which she relates something her daughter said one morning:

As usual first thing when she woke up today she said, "I am going to be a good girl today mummy," and I nodded and said, "OK." She was quiet for a while as if in deep thought then she said, "But mummy, everyday I try and I want to be a good girl, but I can't do it. I can't be a good girl." I didn't know what to say to her at this point so I asked her why she could not do it. "Because there is only one person who can ever help me to be good," she said.

So not knowing where this was going and a little confused by what my daughter was saying, I asked her who it is who would help her to be a good girl, thinking maybe she was going to say me, she said - Jesus. Yes my four year old daughter told me that the only person who would ever help her to be a good girl was Jesus Christ, because she could not do it on her own. I have never told her this. I would have thought this is too deep for a four year old to understand. That she was a sinner, she could not control her sinful nature. She wanted to be good but she could not, instead she did things that where wrong no matter how she tried to be good. Her theology is far deeper than that of many preachers today. I mean she gets it. It is only by the finished work of Christ on the cross that we can be delivered from sin. The righteousness of God is imputed to us when we forsake our sins and believe, 2 Corinthians 5:21. It is Christ who works in us enabling us to do good when we are saved, otherwise all our good works are like filthy rugs before God. She sounded like Paul in Romans 7, "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" And she understood the answer, that it is only through Christ that we can be delivered and freed from the bondage of sin. I was so amazed by God's power that I wanted to cry. I have never shared this with her, so how did she know? It can only be the work of the Holy Spirit. For a little girl to know that she can not be good on her own, that there is only one who can help her, that is Jesus is beyond my comprehension. When she said that all I said to her was that she was right. I did not say anything more as I was in shock and I did not want to ruin what the Lord was doing in her heart. I am not saying she got saved, she is only four. But one thing I know God is definitely working in my little girl's life. It encouraged me to pray for her even more. She is a wretched little girl, who knows she is a wretched sinner who needs only a good saviour to help her. Glory belongs to God!

That is exactly what every Christian parent should be praying for! But what does this sound like to unbelievers?

The world sees no need for a savior. Man is not seen as inherently evil, so any talk of original sin is foolish.

If you have the time, take a look at the hundreds of comments Jean's post generated. She is ridiculed. She is mocked. She is attacked by those who love darkness over the light (John 3:19). Here are just a few examples:

"Jean, YOU are the wretched vile thing here. I weep for your children, you evil thing, you!!!"

"I'll say this, and I won't be the last. This IS child abuse. I hope one day your little girl realizes she is a human being, deserving of love and respect, and overcomes your attempts to make her feel worthless. I hope someone in your area has the good sense to forward this to social services."

"We do worship the god we create in our image. You are worshiping an evil god."

"You are a brainwashed religious lunatic who shouldn't be allowed to look after a dog, let alone a human child. I am both outraged at you and infinitely sad for the little girl who is at the mercy of your wretched, stinking, evil religion."

"This is the most flagrantly chilling admission of child abuse that I have ever read. A sick, twisted woman passing that concept onto an impressionable child. This is disgusting. Someone contact social services, that child needs a loving parent."

"I hope you know that there is a discussion on Richard Dawkins' website about finding out who you are and reporting you to the child protection authorities."

"I'm ashamed you call yourself Christian. You've completely disregarded Christ's lessons and have taken the worst out of the Bible and made it the rule of your life. You've decided you're going to hell and are going to drag your poor, innocent daughter with you. Well I can promise you that hell is where you're going unless you repent the evil you're doing, take control of your life and help fix in your daughter what you're trying so hard to destroy."

"Child Protection Services has been notified of this blog. I am utterly horrified at your misconduct towards your daughter, and I feel nothing but contempt for you and your ilk!"

Oh, that we may all be convicted of just how wretched and vile we are. Unless we see the need for repentance, we will never see the need for a savior.

Please pray for Jean, her daughter, and the rest of her family. Pray also that the Gospel message gets through to someone because of this.

UPDATE
It seems representatives from the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children have paid Jean a visit. There is the possibility her daughter could be taken away. Pray it doesn't come to that.

Childhood Conversion

As one who is in the process of adopting three kids, I have been thinking long and hard about presenting the gospel to my children -- especially since learning that Philippe, at age 7, professed his belief in Christ. Now, I know that he and his sister are in a Christian-run orphanage in Haiti and are taught from scripture on a daily basis, but I wasn't there when this happened, so I really don't know what was said to him before or after that profession.

As you can imagine, all sorts of questions have been running through my mind: How can Christian parents know that they are getting through to their kids? What do they do when their young children make a decision to follow Christ? How can they be joyful about such a decision while remaining cautious that they don't foster deception?

Jim Elliff has written an excellent article on the subject. What follows are some of the highlights. On the topic of conviction, he writes:

Conviction is the work of the Spirit in bringing sin and the necessity of Christ home to the child's conscience. Jesus said that the Holy Spirit convicts of sin, righteousness (that is, that there is only one righteousness and it is found in Christ), and judgment (see Jn. 16:8-11). In looking for conviction, we should avoid any preconceived ideas about how many tears or how much agony is appropriate and keep in mind that conviction is God's tool to bring your child to a hatred of sin. God alone knows what it takes. That there must be conviction in the preparation for salvation is, however, a bedrock truth. It is in the development of conviction that the parent can play a most significant part. By carefully laying out the law (the demands of God on the conscience), by explaining the consequences of breaking that law, and by continually emphasizing the exclusivity of Christ in delivering the child from those consequences, the parent cooperates with the Spirit in this special preparation of the heart.

On revelation:

Young Samuel ministered before the Lord (1 Sam. 3:1), but did not yet know the Lord (vs.7) before the Lord "called" him. The reason is that the Word of the Lord was not yet revealed to him (vs. 7). Eli in this case did help Samuel to know that it was the Lord who was calling the boy, and gave him the proper response, which might indicate a place for the parent's intervention in interpreting events. When Paul preached Christ's cross in Corinth he said that to some it was foolishness and to others it was a stumblingblock, but it was the power of God unto salvation to the called (see 1 Cor. 1: 22-24). Here he is speaking of the effectual call of the Holy Spirit rather than the broader call of the preacher (i.e. "Many are called, but few chosen" Mt. 20: 16). This is another way to discuss this issue of revelation. One convert said, "Christ became as irresistible to me as my sin had been before." Observation and counsel are important here, but you cannot play God's part. Your child is not just signing a contract because he wants to close a good deal, but is meeting a person who has the power to reveal or not reveal. "Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near..." (Isa. 55:6)

On regeneration:

We have put a paradigm of exact dating on most conversions so that we tend to force whatever is happening in the child into a moment in time which he or she can remember, but the reality may be far more difficult to ascertain. For instance, my child has often prayed at night about his soul. I encourage this and often remind him and the other children, "Don't forget to talk to God about your soul before going to sleep." What I am looking for is not whether or not he has said some words in the right way that supposedly "bind" God to give him salvation. No, what I am looking for, and what he is looking for, is a changed life. He is looking for the signs of being made a "new creature" in Christ.

When we speak of assurance, we are speaking of that which we know because the evidence is clear. This is the heart of First John and the other passages dealing with this subject. The way to tell if you are a Christian is not to look at the sincerity of a decision, but to look at the change in the life. As far as I can tell, there is no teaching in the Word which says that you can be sure that you are a Christian by looking back at an historical conversion experience. "These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life..." (1 Jn. 5:13, emphasis mine). What things? Those tests which make up the content of the epistle. In other words, one's assurance should be based on discernible factors which can be tested.

On correcting our mistakes:

Leaders and parents must consider the benefits of returning to a better method of dealing with the souls of our children. To give assurance on the basis of praying a prayer or some other outward, immediate sign is sealing many in deception and makes them harder to reach in their adult years. Any casual look at the disparity between the rolls of our churches plus the numbers of supposed converts who do not even find their way on to our rolls against the actual changed lives being produced, should cause us to do some very serious thinking. In the manner of our great grandfathers who often exhibited such reasonableness and biblical wisdom, we should return to a method that both allows our active and vigorous pursuit of our children's salvation, while at the same time protects against large scale deception.

Every Christian parent will want to check out the entire article.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this weighty issue. Training up a child in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6) is a frightfully important task, one that should not be taken lightly.

Family Update

In case you haven't ventured over to our family blog, I thought I'd post a quick update on our adoption progress.

China
Well, no real progress, except to say that every day that passes is another day closer to the day we travel...whenever that may be. Rumor has it that we can probably expect a referral sometime between January and March of 2009.

Haiti
We've been getting updates on Patricia and Philippe on a regular basis, but the latest picture was by far the best. It's the first one we've seen in which they're both smiling!

Children: Blessing or Curse?

When ministers ignore their duty to preach the gospel, they are inevitably swayed by the latest social trends, and the relevancy of their message caters to the lowest common denominator. Consider the following inane rant from Oliver "Buzz" Thomas:

In the interest of preserving our planet and our species, shouldn't religious organizations be encouraging smaller families? Do our spiritual leaders need additional divine revelation to realize that our current doctrines -- which threaten to take the entire world down with us -- have become ethically and theologically questionable?

Population growth hits hardest in the poorest nations, and as poverty increases, public health declines. I am quite certain that God is not the author of human misery, but by preaching against birth control at the same time we are preaching against abortion, it seems that we're making God out as cruel, a buffoon, or both.

I recognize that religious organizations tend to be conservative institutions. Their continued resistance to equal rights for women and gays is a good example. A woman may be president of Harvard or speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, but in the largest religious organization on the planet, women still can't get ordained as parish priests. It's even worse for gays and lesbians.

All this is to say that religion often comes late to the party -- sometimes kicking and screaming, as did most Southern churches on slavery and civil rights. Only this time, we can't afford it. Not when the fate of the planet might hang in the balance.

How should people of faith respond to this gathering environmental storm?

First, we must stop having so many children. Clergy should consider voicing the difficult truth that having more than two children during such a time is selfish. Dare we say sinful? The average American might not listen to his elected representatives, but he darn sure listens to his pastor. Every week. This will be a hard message for pastors to preach and parishioners to hear, but without it we court disaster.

Contrast that sentiment with Psalm 127:3-5: "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" Christ himself said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:14).

Sorry, Rev. Thomas, but I cannot subscribe to your implication that children are a curse. (And yes, that is exactly what you are implying.) The world needs more children brought up "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4), not less.

Hearing the Pitter-Patter of Little Feet...Not!

If you haven't read Wednesday's post and the article that precipitated it, you may want to start there before reading on. The culture of death and its effects are felt outside the walls of the local abortuarium.

Sunday's Chicago Tribune ran a fascinating article by Vincent J. Schodolski taking a look at the rise of childlessness among married couples. According to the article, a whopping 18 percent of women age 40 to 44 do not have a child. Schodolski quotes Emily Connolly, a 24-year-old Chicago retail saleswoman, who says, "Babies have just never interested me. My husband and I didn't get married to have children. We got married for us." As an aside, one hopes that Connolly's parents married for her.

Echoing Connolly, novelist Carole Matthews says that in the Western world, having children has become a mere lifestyle choice.

Such sentiments are increasingly widespread, and the cribs of the West are increasingly empty as a result. A look at fertility rates in Europe shows that only Islamic nations like Albania, Azerbaijan, and Tajikistan are producing enough children to replace the existing population (note: the so-called "replacement rate" is 2.1 children per woman).

Even these numbers are deceptive. For in nations like Sweden and France, the birthrates of the foreign born far outpace those of native populations. In short, the people of the West are being displaced. Having swallowed the presuppositions of the contraceptive mentality and the culture of death, White Christians are in the midst of committing suicide as a people.

Establishing a Christian culture will first require Christians to reestablish the centrality of the family, and the primacy of family life. The family is the only institution of Paradise, and it is the preeminent institution in God’s economy. Indeed, we cannot understand God’s plan for us until we understand His plan for the family.

Consider, for example, the Ten Commandments. There is nothing pertaining directly to church or state therein, but several explicitly address family life. The imperative to honor our parents, and the prohibition of adultery and covetousness are intended to preserve the integrity of the family.

Moreover, the Bible often uses family terminology to describe the mysteries of the faith. For example, salvation is described as God’s adoption of His people. We see that Christ’s relationship to the Church is described as a marriage. The Trinity contains in part a relationship between a father and son. The Bible compares relationships in the church to relations between brothers and sisters. Idolatry is frequently associated with adultery, and the idolater is synonymous with the harlot. Such examples could be multiplied.

The point is that the family is important. And the primary function and duty of the family is to produce children. As Albert Mohler says in Schodolski's article, "God's purpose in creation is being trumped by modern practices. I would argue that it [not having children] ought to be falling short of the glory of God. Deliberate childlessness defies God's will."

Mohler is right, but such thinking is alien to American culture, including "Christian culture."

A few statistics will demonstrate that the family is under withering attack.

In the contemporary United States, children frequently aren’t even born into intact families—34% all births are to unwed mothers. 68% of black, 59% of Puerto Rican, 40% of Mexican, 50% of Hawaiian, 60% of American Indian, and 28% of white children are born to unwed mothers. (In 1950, 4% of births were illegitimate).

If kids are born into an intact family, there is a good chance things won’t stay that way. Fully 43 percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years and ultimately nearly ½ of marriages fail.

Of course, many babies don’t make it out of the womb at all.

There are about 1.3 million abortions per year, down from 1.6 million in 1990. There are 674 abortions for every 1000 live births. Somewhere between1/2 and 1/3 of women alive today have had at least one abortion.

Why are there so many abortions? I think James provides some insight: "You lust and do not have; so you commit murder" (James 4:2).

We want more. More money, more security, more education, more job opportunities, more sex without consequences. We crave absolute autonomy. Such godless views of man now even shape our laws.

Read just a portion of Justice O’Connor's opinion in Planned Parenthood v. Casey:

"The Roe rule's limitation of state power could not be repudiated without serious inequity to people who, for two decades of economic and social developments, have organized intimate relationships and made choices that define their views of themselves and their places in society, in reliance on the availability of abortion in the event that contraception should fail. The ability of women to participate equally in the economic and social life of the Nation has been facilitated by their ability to control their reproductive lives.”

"At the heart of liberty is the right to define one's own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe and the mystery of human life. Beliefs about these matters could not define the attributes of personhood were they formed under compulsion of the State."

We have made a god out of self-enhancement, out of autonomy, out of our rights. The Guttmacher Institute, the research arm of Planned Parenthood, provided a list of reasons that women provide for having abortion:

25.5% Wants to postpone childbearing
7.9% Wants no more children
21. Cannot afford a baby
10.8% Child would disrupt education or job
14.1% Relationship problem or partner does not want baby
12.2% Too young to have baby
2.8% Risk to maternal health
3.3% Risk to fetal health
2.1% Other reasons

But the problem, as I've said, isn't confined to the abortion mill. The nation as a whole has a weak commitment to childbearing. Just 10% of American families have 3 or more children—making matters worse is that a quarter of those families are single-parent families. In the 1980’s a milestone was passed—more than 1/2 of American families (52%) have no children under the age of 18.

One of the reasons we are having fewer children is that we are marrying later. In 1970, just 36% of women ages twenty to twenty-four were unmarried. By 1995, 68% were in the "never married" category. Women are not just waiting longer to have children, but are conceiving fewer of them as well. 44% of all women of childbearing age (15-44) are childless.

Feminism has liberated women from the "narrow" and "constricting" roles of wife and mother. Meanwhile, the siren song of the marketplace drowns out God’s command to be fruitful and multiply. In 1950, 88% of women with children under six stayed in the home. Today, 64% of American women with children under six are in the labor force.

With their new status in the work world, fewer women marry. In 1970, just 36% of women ages twenty to twenty-four were unmarried. By 1995, 68% were in the "never married" category. So women are not simply waiting longer to have children, they are conceiving fewer of them as well.

For Christians, children are not to be merely an accessory, a "lifestyle choice." The Bible describes conception as an act of God (Ps. 127:3, Ruth 4:13, I Sam. 1:19-20, Gen. 16:2, Gen. 17:16, Ps. 22:9, Jer. 1:5, Gal. 1:15). Moreover, life begins in the womb (Is. 49:1-2, 5; Job 10:8-12; Ps. 139:13-16) and that child is created in the very image of God (Gen. 1:26-27). God commands us to be fruitful and multiply, for the purpose extending His dominion (Gen. 9:7) and producing Godly offspring (Mal. 2:15). Children are to be received as a gift from God:

Ps. 127:3-5
3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD ,
children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate

Do you wish to receive a heritage from God? Do you wish to receive a reward from God? That includes having children.

Does the correlation between happiness and children seem strange to modern ears? Moreover, consider the analogy of children to arrows. How many arrows do you want going into battle?

That children are given to parents also implies a range of familial duties. Through parental neglect, children can become a curse rather than a blessing (Prov. 29:15, Prov. 17:25), and it is the duty of parents to rear their offspring in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Deut. 6:1-9, Eph. 6:4).

There is also an implied obligation for churches. A few years back, the Southern Baptist Council on Family Life reported that 88% of the children of parents in SBC congregations leave the church at 18, never to return.

In most evangelical churches, parents and children are rigidly segregated by Sunday School, youth groups, and a panoply of other programs designed to replace dad as the center of Christian education.

Where in the Scripture do we see the kids being shuckled off away from their parents? Why do we think that is normal? Aren’t we denying our children the bread of life? Worship in Scripture appears to generally include children (Deut. 31:12-13, Ezra 10:1, Joel 2:15-16, Joshua 8:35, Matt 19:13-14, Eph. 6:1).

Commenting on similar trends in his own day, Charles Spurgeon said:

"I begin to feel more and more that it is a mistake to divide the children from the congregation…. If our preaching does not teach children, it lacks some element it ought to possess. I like to see the congregation made up not all of the young, nor all of the old, but some of all sorts gathered together."

What I have written may shock and even appall your average Christian. In Schodolski's article, we're introduced to Amy Showalter, 44, and her husband, Randy Boyer, 45, who decided not to have children and consider themselves devout and conservative Christians. They attend weekly services at the Crossroads Community Church in Cincinnati, billed as "a real place for real people." "Nobody has ever told us this is a sin," Amy says. "It just does not come up." Showalter says that after 11 years of marriage she and her husband have concluded that they would be bad parents. "We didn't feel we would be qualified," she said. "It was not that we wanted to be rich or anything like that."

I'm not surprised that such things "just don't come up." We wouldn't want to cause any discomfort. Instead we're fed pabulum by the likes of Rick Warren, who can write about the "Five Purposes of Marriage" and never mention children. Instead we are peppered with silly cliches such as, "God's plan for your marriage is wider and deeper than anything in your wildest, craziest dreams," "You and your spouse were both planned for God's pleasure," and "Life is about relationships, not achievements."

Ms. Showalter can keep Warren. I think I prefer Luther:

The purpose of marriage is not to have pleasure and to be idle but to procreate and bring up children, to support a household. Those who have no love for children are swine, stocks, and logs unworthy of being called men or women; for they despise the blessings of God, the Creator and Author of marriage.