How to provoke your children to anger

As fathers, we don't need any help coming up with ways to make our children angry or resentful. It sort of comes naturally to us. Mark Altrogge offers a pretty inclusive list of what some of those things are. We can provoke our children to anger:

• By constantly criticizing them and not encouraging them. When they feel they can never please us enough.
  
• By having double standards – Do as I say, not as I do. Expecting them to do things we don’t do, e.g. ask forgiveness, humble themselves, etc.
  
• By anger and harshness
  
• By a lack of affection
  
• By telling them what to do or not do without giving Biblical reasons (e.g., Do it because I said to do it, or because it’s just wrong).
  
• By being offended at their sin because it bothers us, not because it offends God.

Take a moment to read the rest here. And remember that we fathers are sinners too.

Just Say No to Drugging Kids

According to a recent article in The New York Times, 11% of school age children, and nearly one in five boys of high school age, have been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder:

These rates reflect a marked rise over the last decade and could fuel growing concern among many doctors that the A.D.H.D. diagnosis and its medication are overused in American children.

The figures showed that an estimated 6.4 million children ages 4 through 17 had received an A.D.H.D. diagnosis at some point in their lives, a 16 percent increase since 2007 and a 41 percent rise in the past decade. About two-thirds of those with a current diagnosis receive prescriptions for stimulants like Ritalin or Adderall, which can drastically improve the lives of those with A.D.H.D. but can also lead to addiction, anxiety and occasionally psychosis.

"Those are astronomical numbers. I'm floored," said Dr. William Graf, a pediatric neurologist in New Haven and a professor at the Yale School of Medicine. He added, "Mild symptoms are being diagnosed so readily, which goes well beyond the disorder and beyond the zone of ambiguity to pure enhancement of children who are otherwise healthy."

Don't worry. The American Psychiatric Association is planning on changing the definition of A.D.H.D. so that even more kids will be diagnosed in order to receive proper "treatment." Call it an economic stimulus for the pharmaceutical industry.

As a father of three, I am thankful that we are able to homeschool our kids. I'm sure many of you parents will know exactly what I'm talking about when I say that there is a strong likelihood that each one of my children would fall under some government school definition of A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. But have you ever met one kid who didn't have trouble sitting still or focusing, especially when they had little or no interest in the subject being taught?

Gary North has a simpler, drug-free solution:

If your kid is squirming in public school, a solution is to pull him out of public school. Kids who are not in public schools usually stop squirming.

There are two main solutions: homeschooling or doing chores around the house. Teenage kids facing this choice usually stop squirming.

Homeschooling works. But when it's either prescribing drugs or chores, I recommend chores. It's cheaper. Also, parents avoid extra chores.

So simple, and yet so difficult for today's two-income families to manage.

Pastor Sent to Prison for Advocating Spanking

I will admit up front that I know nothing about Aleitheia Bible Church or Pastor Philip Caminiti. I had never even heard of them before reading that Caminiti was sentenced to two years in prison for teaching that spanking is biblical.

Yes, this happened in America. Madison, Wisconsin, to be exact.

Dane County Circuit Judge Maryann Sumi wanted to send a message that "child abuse" would not be tolerated. "What is important to me," she said, "is there was and continues to this day no expression of remorse or repentance for the consequences of those actions, or what the whole chain of events has led the family and the community through."

Again, I will confess to being ignorant of all the facts in the case. Is it possible that there were instances in which parental discipline may have gone too far? Yes, I suppose it is. But keep in mind that the imprisoned pastor was never charged with abusing a child. His "crime" was instructing parents in his congregation to spank their children.

As far as I can tell, no crime was ever committed. Wisconsin law states: "Reasonable discipline may involve only such force as a reasonable person believes is necessary. It is never reasonable discipline to use force which is intended to cause great bodily harm or death or creates an unreasonable risk of great bodily harm or death." I guess it all depends on what a particular court deems "reasonable."

I was reminded of something my own pastor, John Piper, once said about spanking: "I just think spanking is really healthy for children. It is a measured deliverance of a non-damaging act of mild pain that makes the child feel the seriousness of what he's done. It is not beating. It is not abuse. There is a clear difference. The very word "spank" exists because there is such a thing as a loving way to whop a child on his behind or his chunky thigh."

Spanking is "really healthy for children"? There are many people out there who would have a difficult time trying to wrap their minds around that concept. "He's saying parents should hit their children! How barbaric!" Nonsense.

We are designed in such a way that pain actually serves to protect our bodies. The pain a child feels when touching a hot stove keeps his hand from becoming badly burned. Likewise, a quick swat on the bottom can help a disobedient child avoid even worse consequences associated with sinful behavior.

This is a very important issue, and what has happened in Wisconsin should concern Christians everywhere. What many fathers and mothers consider to be a normal, biblical part of parenting could be reason enough for the state to tear them away from their children and throw them into prison.

But, then again, this is a nation that has little use for scriptural truth. What else would we expect?

Dads Against Daughters Dating

I may have to get one of these within the next few years.

Papa Don't Preach

The British government is encouraging parents to, well, not parent.
From Times Online:

Parents should avoid trying to convince their teenage children of the difference between right and wrong when talking to them about sex, a new government leaflet is to advise.

Instead, any discussion of values should be kept "light" to encourage teenagers to form their own views, according to the brochure, which one critic has called "amoral".

Talking to Your Teenager About Sex and Relationships will be distributed in pharmacies from next month as part of an initiative led by Beverley Hughes, the children’s minister.

The leaflet comes in the wake of the case of Alfie Patten, the 13-year-old boy from East Sussex who fathered a child with a 15-year-old girl and sparked a debate about how to cut rates of teenage parenthood.

It advises: "Discussing your values with your teenagers will help them to form their own. Remember, though, that trying to convince them of what's right and wrong may discourage them from being open."

You know it's a bad idea when the so-called "experts" start weighing in with their support:

Linda Blair, a clinical psychologist, said educating older children and teenagers about sex had to be a process of negotiation. "We do not know what is right and wrong; right and wrong is relative, although your child does need clear guidelines," she said.

So, if you hate your children, go ahead and heed their advice and refuse to teach them right from wrong. It really is the least you could do.

Gospel-Driven Parenting

In light of yesterday's post, I decided to revisit something I posted on a couple of years ago.

Rob Wilkerson, blogging at Miscellanies on the Gospel, believes it's crucial to present the gospel to our children -- especially when disciplining them:

Not to share the gospel when we discipline our kids is, I believe, to drive them to anxiety and exasperation (Eph. 6:4). If parents discipline without the gospel, they cause both emotional and physical pain to a child, only to offer no spiritual power or hope which can heal the guilt incurred in the emotions and cause the heart to view the pain with thanksgiving.

As for the "how," Wilkerson breaks it down into four parts:

1. Show them their sin.
   
2. Show them what God says about their sin.
   
3. Show them what God has done about their sin.
   
4. Show them what you are going to do about their sin.

You can read the entire post here.

I pray that Christian parents will be emboldened to train up their children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), even though the world will hate and despise them for it.